I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
