His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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