In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
