Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
