I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
