she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
