i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
