Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
