I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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