i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish you could order shots online.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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