You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
