We won't sleep together?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
