Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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