sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
