before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
