***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
