The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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