I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
