Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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