seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
