Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
