Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
