it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
