I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
