Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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