I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
