I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
