I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
