If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
