Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
