She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Randomize
