There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
