The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
