some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
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