They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
