my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
