YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
