i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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