Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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