Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
