So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
