Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
