We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
