i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
