I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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