She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
