You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
