she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
