Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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