24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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