I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
