just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
youre lurking in front of me
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
